FAQs

1. Is it a boy or a girl? 

The sex has certainly been determined already, but it is not yet visible on the ultrasound, which is fine with me.

2. Are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?

No. As Sweetie puts it: What better surprise can you possibly have in your life? I personally think it is a boy, but refer to it while in the womb as a girl. Hopefully this will not cause gender confusion.

3. Have you thought of any names yet? American or Italian or both?

Pregnancy is a 9-month process for a reason. It took 3 months to get used to the idea of being pregnant (although it was a happy occasion from day one, don't get me wrong) and to get ready to talk about it. The need to name has not yet hit us with the urgency I can imagine it will later on. I do have some thoughts on names, though, that I will discuss them in a later post. 

The fetus has a gender-neutral name, however, and that is "Sugar." 

4. Are you going to have the baby in America or in Italy?

Italy. I live here. My doctor is here. I will have it here. I also don't have health insurance in America and I can imagine that having a baby there would be expensive out-of-pocket.

5. You live in Italy. Do you get a year off when you have the baby? 

While there are certain work contracts "a tempo indeterminato" that give you heaps of time off for having a baby, they are not given out very often anymore because they make it almost impossible to fire a person once they've been hired and they cost a lot for employers to offer because of their great benefits and high taxes. 

Women especially don't get these contracts very often. They include 1 month pre-birth at full pay, 3 months after the birth at full pay, and up to 8 months at 80% pay,  then 30% pay until the baby is 18 months, then no pay, but you can stay home and they can't give away your job until the baby is about 8 years old. 

Most people nowadays get a contract "a progetto" which is also a great way to keep those pesky women from "disappearing" for "years at a time" on maternity leave. These contracts provide full pay two months before the birth and two months after (most people agree that at least one of those months would be more appreciated after the birth, but beggars can't be choosers). You can be reasonably sure, however, that if your employer suspects you're thinking about enlarging your family, your contract will not be renewed once it expires. If they find our you're pregnant and they really like you, though, they might renew you and have it expire THREE months before the birth. 

No. This is not legal, but ask anyone who lives here. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 

I fall into neither category because I am a Libero Professionista, which means that I am a free-lancer. I control my schedule (good), I don't have to deal with a sexist boss (really good), but if I don't work, I don't get paid (bad). Period.   

6. What does your doctor say about what you can and can't do?

Can't: 

Run (I don't want to talk about it. This is, as far as I am concerned, the WORST thing about being pregnant in Italy), eat parmesan cheese (?!?), raw meat, prosciutto, fried food. Little or no: pizza, bread, pasta. 

Can: 

Drink coffee, have a glass of wine with lunch and one with dinner. I don't.  

7. Have you had an ultrasound? When is your next one?

Yes, last week we had the three-month ultrasound to see if everything is hunky dorey. Measurements look good. I took a blood test the next day to see if the results coupled with those measurements indicate anything out of the ordinary. I will get those results back a week from next Monday. I am optimistic that things are fine.

The next appointment will be in another 3 months or so. Ultrasound appointments and doctor's appointments are separate affairs. I will see my doctor on Monday and bring the ultrasound results with me so that he can tell me what they mean. 

8. What is different about having a baby in Italy and America? 

I'm no expert on either but (1) here doctors are very very insistent on expectant mothers not gaining too much weight. Diet is a HUGE concern. No eating for two. Strict diet is enforced. 

(2) It is almost unheard of to have an epidural during labor in Trieste. They make you jump through hoops way before you're due if you want to have that possibility. I do not know one woman here who did not have a natural birth. 

(3) You can donate your baby's umbilical cord to the National Health Service and get it back if you need it. There is a very small chance that someone else could also need it (in that case, first come first serve). We had looked into private places to freeze it until the baby is 18. This option is much better because it's free and could save other babies. In fact, three babies recently (two in Italy, one in France) have been saved using donated Italian umbilical cords. The doctor who is in charge of the department where we donate blood is also in charge of this program so we are telling all of our friends about it, too. 

9. Are you showing yet?

No. I'm only 13 weeks and if I show it's probably because I ate too much, since I can keep food down finally. I lost weight during my first trimester because of nausea.