Dear Sugar,

I know I know, I'm the meanest mom in the world, but there are a few things I just want to get out on the table while you're still a fetus, that way you know it's not personal. Also, this will give you a few years to get used to the ideas...

I was walking home from downtown and I passed Corsi Middle School where I saw a few unsavory things (that you will never do, of course, my little love) and I thought of a few things I ought to tell you.

1. I don't care how good your grades are, at 14 years old, you may not have a Vespa (or any other kind of motorized vehicle).
2. You can take the written scooter test if it makes you feel better, sure, but that's as far as it goes.
3. You can ask your father but you'll be wasting your time. He agrees with me. NO SCOOTER.
4. At 15 or above, please don't still be in Middle School.
5. At 18 you can take your driving test, just like everyone else here (you practice with your father in this case). If we're in the States, you can take it at 16 (I'll take you driving through the cemetaries in this case), fine.
5. Yes, you must go to college. I know it's expensive. Start saving now.
6. No, you may not live at home until you're 40. We're going to have to draw the line at 30.

Ok. That's all I can think of, Sugarcakes. See you in a few months.

Love,
K-Mom